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To them ...

Actually I'm feeling damn lazy to blog right now (it's like 2am in the morning ...). However, I wanna tell them some messages I had kept in myself for so long.

(Please don't ask me who's them)

To them:

I don't like to say this to y'all, but I can't help it anymore. At first, I would like to appreciate on how much y'all stayed by me as we grow up. We done many things together, and we happy together. Thanks for that.

Now, what I want to mention that the communication woes between us. I was damn timid as always (but not that timid as I was during my primary school life). However I do care about y'all and wanted to get into y'all chatting space, but unfortunately I can't make it.

I found out that the topics that y'all would probably discuss: other than our public matters, Dota, touchscreen games, common Facebook games (eg. Mousehunt), Chinese tracks and classic English tracks, and sometimes girls. Meanwhile, my topic is more related to football, trending English music and issues that are latest enough. So, that's when we can't come together ... The topic is not right.

Y'all know what, my introvert personality was originated from my primary school punishments --- the cane punishment ... I was beaten hard by my teachers during my Year 1 and Year 6 due to some mistakes eg: scoring 0% in memory tests, untidy writing and many more ... That memory did not fade away till now as the time passes (although I don't hate the teachers that did that to me that moment).

A very painful experience indeed! That time I gone speechless and unwilling to chat with other classmates. I was alone while facing my studies. My parents don't seem bothered, but I felt that my big bro's power and status has gone with my personality. My little bros don't respect me as their big bro anymore (I'm treated as a plain friend). I'm just ... (urgh, just can't say it anymore)

Up to the secondary school, where I first met y'all, I was still that timid and I sobbed quietly as one of y'all dubbed me with a loud voice (oh, that was enough to break the glass in my heart, no need soprano-voices). Then, I started to mix into y'all without any ways (strange sometimes).

Flash-forward to now, I was treated as a semi-useless (explicit) that was only called up if there are anything to do. I'm devastated about it. I sobbed again (in my bedroom), thinking what I've come-by for these 4 years ... I tried to mix inside and I felt like there is a force pusing me out of the zone. Well, I don't want any special attentions y'all would give (it's weird if do so), but just a plain respect is enough for me. Y'all may do your specialised jobs at y'alls' best, but please don't leave me alone with unrelated topics of discussion.

Y'all may not listen to my message (or y'all don't even know what's talking about also). Here's one track I would like to summarise my feeling in me now (maybe not now, but that moment).

'Haunted' by my fave singer, Taylor Swift ...


I mean it, I'm haunted (not spiritualy haunted, but psychologically haunted by y'all).

Woosh, I completed my outrage. Felt much better now ...

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